March is here again ....

and where no better then we where last year.  We are in week 3 of lockdown with at least another week to go.  Things are better on the covid front but we still are seeing cases but we are in the single digits of new cases and I think we are just a little over 100 active cases.  With 2 new deaths bringing our total to 6.  I haven't really been keeping close tabs. It is stressing me out to be honest.  

I have been doing the bare minimum most days for to many days now.  I just can't seem to get out of the funk I am in. I have moments but, nothing that is lasting.  I have to force myself to do other things just to get it done.  This is so not like me.  I know part of it is the lockdown and part of it is winter.  I just can't get out like I want to walk.  Plus going places now is just to much worry about getting sick or bringing it home to those who really can't afford to get it. 

The things that usually brings me out of my funk isn't helping.  I love to read but last month I read only two books and that was early in the month.  I did manage to read a book last night it was a little over 100 pages so I guess that is something.  I love to listen to music but don't get to do that much where I usually get the time to do that is on walks.  One silver lining has been tiktok.  I have probably been spending too much time on there but it seems to be the only thing to distract me lately.  I really need to keep out of me head it isn't really a good place lately.  I know this will pass but I just wish it would sooner then later. 

So that is basically how I have been. 

 

Why do people feel the need to criticize everything you do? ...

Is it an age thing?  You reach the age of 60 plus and you decided I think I will nit pick and criticize anything and everything a person does from here on in.  

Stuff that they seen you do many times for years.  The way you clean the house, the way you dress, your hair.  They way you cook, and the list goes on.  Then when you lash out at them and tell them to knock the hell off and leave you alone, or do it yourself then.  Well I might have cleaned that up a bit for this post.  lol bleeping out a few curse words.  Of course then they get pissed off at you for standing up for yourself and they stomp off like a child.  Like really. 

Most times I can just let it roll off my back.  They are just looking for an argument.  To know that they are getting under your skin.  But sometimes enough is enough. 

Thanks for listening. 

Snow storm not snowmagaddon 2.0. ....

 thank god.  Well it was only a matter of time.  This being Newfoundland and all.  We got our first snow storm of the season and I think it is here to stay.  The kids come home early yesterday and today they had a delayed opening.  So naturally my high schooler didn't go at all either day. lol 

The dog wouldn't take no for an answer when he asked to go out in the middle of the storm.  FYI he is a shih tzu that is trained to a litter box.  So no real need for him to go out.  But of course he wanted to.  He jumped out the back door when up past his belly in snow.  Then had the nerve to look at me saying help. lol So I had to lean out and not loose my balance and take him out of the snowbank lol .

I have a love hate relationship with snow.  I love the beauty of it when it is down or falling.  Love to take pictures.  But I don't like going out in it.  Only because once I get cold or wet I am not fit to talk too.  Plus the whole slipping and falling down. 

There is just no pleasing some people...

No matter how much you do.  Like really was it necessary for you to give me attitude.  Then you wonder why I have one. Or as you say I am crooked all the time. I wonder why I even try or open my mouth anymore. Then I wonder why I don't know how to talk to people anymore. 

Thank god for my online stuff.  Only thing that keeps me sane most days. Even then some days that doesn't even help.  Maybe that is why I have been watching way to many Hallmark movies.  sigh 

Sorry just needed to vent.  

2020 was one big dumpster fire .....

 Well this year has been a shit show from the beginning and it didn't get any better.  Here in my little slice of the world we started with Snowmagedden which hit us in January.  Then the Pandemic hit us in March.  Which we are still dealing with and will be still dealing with going into the new year. But we are doing better then most place.  But I guess that is the benefit of living on an island.   We still get case but they are all travel related due to people coming and going for work.  

I would like to say things can't get any worse but I am not about to temp fate on that one.  She might call my bluff. 

Not sure what has kept me going all these months.  I keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and I thought we were seeing that with the vaccine but then the UK gets a case of covid that hasn't been seen before.  So of course Canada can't be left out and now we are seeing new cases of this variant as they are calling it.  

But I guess one good thing came of this year, Trump wasn't re-elected.  So I guess that is something.  But he isn't going out with out a fight.  He is acting like a spoiled child that didn't get his way.  Thank god I don't live in the States but I feel for all those who are struggling and going without because of that man.  I haven't seem someone so selfish as that man.  

Anyway just had to put my few thoughts down on this year so when this is finally all over I can look back.  But I don't think I will forget this year any time soon. 

Only a few more days left of this dumpster fire of a year and I can't wait to see it in my rearview mirror.  Here's hoping for better things in the new year.  Stay safe, wear your mask and keep your 6 feet, keep your bubble. 

Can I get a do over for this year, or just skip to next year .......

I am so over this year.  Can we just skip to 2021 already.  Or at least I want a do over for this year.  With the Covid-19 taking over our day to day lives and life as we know it is no more.  I don't even see a light at the end of the tunnel either.  

Don't get me wrong where I live we have flattened the curve hell we have eradicated Covid-19.  But all our hard work and doing with out, might be for not.  We have opened our boarder to other Atlantic Providences.  Now for the most part those 4 we have invited to join our bubble have gotten a handle on there cases and have little to no cases.  But with all good things, people go looking for loop holes and before we know it we will have cases again.  Then there is talk to open our boards to the US well don't get me going on that mess, 50 thousand cases a day.  Yikes.  I think not keep the US out till they get a handle on things. 

I want my daughter to go to school next year, do her grade 12 in class and graduate with all the bells and whistles that she has worked so hard all these years.  I know things won't be totally the same as previous years but if we have no new case and we do social distancing then the school year can be achieved.  Yes we have to learn to live with Covid but all this hard work and sacrificing we are doing only to have others from outside our provenience to ruin it just isn't fair.  We have gone without seeing family, gone without socializing, gone without vacations, gone without our normal day to day lives.  We have proven that social distancing does work and to wear masks when we can't but to allow visitors that could potentially bring the virus back to us only to have to go back to lock down when we just opened up isn't fair. 

Now I don't know things might go swimmingly, with minimal to no cases but I am a glass half empty person and I don't see things working out in our favor.  

Passion is defined as ........

"Passion is a feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something. Passion can range from eager interest in or admiration for an idea, proposal, or cause; to enthusiastic enjoyment of an interest or activity; to strong attraction, excitement, or emotion towards a person."

I am reminded of a scene in The Big bang Theory where Penny is upset that she isn't excited about anything in her life, like her friends are.  That she thinks there is something wrong with her because I know the feeling. 

I am the same way.  I wasn't always like this.  There was a time when I would eat and breath my favorite shows, books, music.  I would find eminence joy in watching the newest shows, reading the latest book, etc.  Don't get me wrong I still like these things just not like I use too.  I am not sure what or why I have changed.  If I did I wouldn't be writing a different post lol. 

Maybe it has to do with the fact I barely have enough time and energy for the day to day things these days.  There is so much I would love to do but  "insert various excuses here".   But then I see others doing way more then I do in a run of a day and I am left wondering why can't I do that to or what am I doing wrong that I am not?  Have yet to figure that one out but that my be another post as well. 

I feel sometimes that if I am actually doing something, that I have to rush to finish it so I can move onto another thing.  Maybe the joy I once got is gone because I don't take the time in that moment to focus on that one thing.  But also with so many distractions in my life, that kind of ruins things as well. I think I have hit on the problem.  Now to find a solutions.  Might be easier said then done.  But I am dam sure going to give it the old college try.  Wish me luck. 

Women think to much.......

Talk about understatement of the year.

But let me back up but a bit.  I was going through my goodreads books suggestions via email. When I saw the title of a book "Women who think to much".  I actually read women think to much, hence the title of this post.  No this isn't a book review. lol 

Anyway back to the point.  But really we do think to much.  Even now as I type up this sentence I am just not thinking about what I am typing but also thinking you are not getting any more dog food.  You see me dog is sitting next to me, looking at me wanting to be feed.  Boy is he going to have to wait.  Pause I best feed him before he has a fit. lol Back...

I don't know about you but through out the day I feel like my computers web browser.  I have about a dozen tabs open, each one with something different that wants my attention but I can only concentrate on one at a time.  Only way to do the task or what ever it may be justice.  But feel like I need to be quick or I will loose out on what is going on in the other tabs.  Or forget to do something which is usually the case.  Hope that makes sense.  Let me reread that. Anyway...

I blame society.  To much is expected from us in a run of a day.  Like if we don't accomplish a certain number of things or have something to show for it, then the day was a waste.  Maybe that is why I have so much trouble getting to sleep.  Well that is a topic for another post.

I swear I was better at keeping my thoughts from running over but somewhere along the way I lost it.  Oh a good descriptions may be my thoughts are like one, long ass, run on sentence that never ends lol

I feel like I might of gotten off topic but that is life I guess for a women who thinks to much.  Who whats to get it all out of her head before she forgets it.  lol

So it is Groundhog day.......

and what does that really means.  Nothing, lol.  When it is all said and done the next 6 weeks of weather will be what ever it is suppose to be.  I would love to put my faith in that chubby, not so little rodent when he says an early spring only because I hate winter.  But in the end will he be right. 

It seems that there is no definite consensus on what the next 6 weeks of weather will be if you go the Canadian and U.S groundhogs. I believe they are split right down the middle 50/50. 

All I know is by the end of the 6 weeks I would of have forgotten their prediction and will still be complaining about the weather.  lol 

Found the pic below when I was searching for a groundhog pic to post on Facebook.  I am not sure if the info is even correct, I did no fact checking.  Not that studious today, down right lazy if I must tell the truth. lol

I hate online shopping when .......

what you buy arrives and it isn't the right one. 

I needed a new charger for my Samsung Galaxy A tablet.  I found what I thought was the right charger online but when it arrived it wasn't.  Of course :( 

Now the return was simple, took it to the store a few days later and bought the right one.  The store staff was knowledgeable and set me right with little to no fuss.  The one bought online was 50 percent off.  I had to pay full price for the right one in store. The sale was over, grrr. I bought the brand name which was a bit pricey but it was what I wanted.

I could not use my refund towards the purchase of the new one because it was bought online. Oh my.  But my refund was returned to me in record time, with in 24 hours.  It went to my paypal.

So all in all things worked out rather easily.  Only thing I had an issue with is when I tried to call the store locally,  the wait was ridiculous and when someone answered she put me on hold and never came back.  Well to be fair I got sick of waiting and hung up.  Miss the day when you could actually get a hold of someone at the physical store.  Not someone taking calls god knows where.  Ahh to the simpler days lol.

Productivity fail.....

I had high hopes for today going to bed last night but things didn't go as planned.  I wanted to finish up the cleaning, vacuuming and tiding that need to be done after taking down all the Christmas decorations, see previous post.  I wanted to get things back to normal in the house and any other little thing that got out of place from Christmas holidays.  But instead I decided to tackle the ever growing list of things I ran out of or need that I couldn't get because of the holidays.  Butter, eggs, bread and the such.  My decision was solely based on the fact that it was a nice day, well nicer then the last couple of days.  It was sunny but cold, it is winter after all here.  Granted we are up to our butts in snow, see another previous post on that.  I said the hell with it and went out despite the fact I didn't want to.  Only because if I waited we might end up with another storm or worse rain and wouldn't be able to do it then.  Plus I had transportation to and fro without relying on public means.  So I guess in some sense I was productive just not in the way I had planned. oh well what can you do?

Resolutions .....

New year, new me.  Yeah right.  Every year I make resolutions, and every year I fail.  I managed to keep them for a short time but life really has a way of sucking up your day with things leaving no time for new stuff.  I know what your thinking excuses, excuses and your probably right.  Anything important and worth doing you should take the time and just do it.  No argument here but in the end I don't manage to get there for what ever reason.  So what am I do to then.  Beats the hell out of me.  I think I will start with small things here and there and see what happens.  Something has to give.  I just hope it isn't my sanity, lol.  Wish me luck.

Why.......

do I need to justify or explain what I am doing to you or to anyone.  What does it matter what I am doing or not doing as long as it doesn't effect you in anyway.  I feel like more and more I have to explain what I am doing to others and it is pissing me off.  You would swear that these things that I once did and are trying to do again is thing that are out of character for my personality.

I feel like saying what I am really thinking, which is that I am trying to get back what I have lost of myself along the way by being a wife and mother all these years.  I have lost what makes me happy, what makes me me.  I somehow along the way stopped doing things like reading, writing and all the other things that I have forgotten.  Things that have been shoved aside and replaced with cooking and cleaning, taking care of the kids etc.

Don't get me wrong wouldn't changed a thing, well maybe I would of liked to of made sure that I made time for myself each day even if it was only something small.   But like most mothers we sacrifice our own happiness or replace it with other things and other people, like our kids.  Then when they become old enough to do things for themselves or entertain themselves we don't know what to do with our new found time.

Why should I feel like I have to justify trying to find something that makes just me happy?

I am not left handed..........

I am right handed and you don't realize just how much you do with one hand over the other.  I hurt my should awhile back, doctor said that I was to take it easy and not to use that arm.  Well easier said then done, hence the problem.

I was in the shower, trying to wash my hair.  Lots of fun, NOT.  In the end it felt like I wash only half my hair.  Not even sure I got all the soap out.  Talk about awkward.

Sitting here typing, no problem can use both hands/ arms, but if I was to go for my mouse with my right hand, I look like the Thing from the Munster, using my fingers to walk my hand over to the mouse.

In bed it is like waking up with your arm asleep not being about to move it with out using the other hand to do so.  It would be funny if it didn't hurt so much.

It has been months of this and I thought I was getting better, hadn't had a issue in a couple weeks.  Boy was I wrong.  All it took was to clean out two cupboards, wash the two shelves and paint it and boom back to all the paint and lack of motion with it. grrrrr

Doing things with my left hand takes way longer and more concentration and patience that I do not have.  Guess I am just too independent for my own good.  Would rather do it myself then to ask someone to do it for me.

Not sure how I am going to managed the rest of my fall cleaning and decluttering at this rate.  Oh and Christmas around the corner after that, don't even what to think about how I am going to get that done.