Why do people feel the need to criticize everything you do? ...

Is it an age thing?  You reach the age of 60 plus and you decided I think I will nit pick and criticize anything and everything a person does from here on in.  

Stuff that they seen you do many times for years.  The way you clean the house, the way you dress, your hair.  They way you cook, and the list goes on.  Then when you lash out at them and tell them to knock the hell off and leave you alone, or do it yourself then.  Well I might have cleaned that up a bit for this post.  lol bleeping out a few curse words.  Of course then they get pissed off at you for standing up for yourself and they stomp off like a child.  Like really. 

Most times I can just let it roll off my back.  They are just looking for an argument.  To know that they are getting under your skin.  But sometimes enough is enough. 

Thanks for listening. 

There is just no pleasing some people...

No matter how much you do.  Like really was it necessary for you to give me attitude.  Then you wonder why I have one. Or as you say I am crooked all the time. I wonder why I even try or open my mouth anymore. Then I wonder why I don't know how to talk to people anymore. 

Thank god for my online stuff.  Only thing that keeps me sane most days. Even then some days that doesn't even help.  Maybe that is why I have been watching way to many Hallmark movies.  sigh 

Sorry just needed to vent.  

Passion is defined as ........

"Passion is a feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something. Passion can range from eager interest in or admiration for an idea, proposal, or cause; to enthusiastic enjoyment of an interest or activity; to strong attraction, excitement, or emotion towards a person."

I am reminded of a scene in The Big bang Theory where Penny is upset that she isn't excited about anything in her life, like her friends are.  That she thinks there is something wrong with her because I know the feeling. 

I am the same way.  I wasn't always like this.  There was a time when I would eat and breath my favorite shows, books, music.  I would find eminence joy in watching the newest shows, reading the latest book, etc.  Don't get me wrong I still like these things just not like I use too.  I am not sure what or why I have changed.  If I did I wouldn't be writing a different post lol. 

Maybe it has to do with the fact I barely have enough time and energy for the day to day things these days.  There is so much I would love to do but  "insert various excuses here".   But then I see others doing way more then I do in a run of a day and I am left wondering why can't I do that to or what am I doing wrong that I am not?  Have yet to figure that one out but that my be another post as well. 

I feel sometimes that if I am actually doing something, that I have to rush to finish it so I can move onto another thing.  Maybe the joy I once got is gone because I don't take the time in that moment to focus on that one thing.  But also with so many distractions in my life, that kind of ruins things as well. I think I have hit on the problem.  Now to find a solutions.  Might be easier said then done.  But I am dam sure going to give it the old college try.  Wish me luck. 

Women think to much.......

Talk about understatement of the year.

But let me back up but a bit.  I was going through my goodreads books suggestions via email. When I saw the title of a book "Women who think to much".  I actually read women think to much, hence the title of this post.  No this isn't a book review. lol 

Anyway back to the point.  But really we do think to much.  Even now as I type up this sentence I am just not thinking about what I am typing but also thinking you are not getting any more dog food.  You see me dog is sitting next to me, looking at me wanting to be feed.  Boy is he going to have to wait.  Pause I best feed him before he has a fit. lol Back...

I don't know about you but through out the day I feel like my computers web browser.  I have about a dozen tabs open, each one with something different that wants my attention but I can only concentrate on one at a time.  Only way to do the task or what ever it may be justice.  But feel like I need to be quick or I will loose out on what is going on in the other tabs.  Or forget to do something which is usually the case.  Hope that makes sense.  Let me reread that. Anyway...

I blame society.  To much is expected from us in a run of a day.  Like if we don't accomplish a certain number of things or have something to show for it, then the day was a waste.  Maybe that is why I have so much trouble getting to sleep.  Well that is a topic for another post.

I swear I was better at keeping my thoughts from running over but somewhere along the way I lost it.  Oh a good descriptions may be my thoughts are like one, long ass, run on sentence that never ends lol

I feel like I might of gotten off topic but that is life I guess for a women who thinks to much.  Who whats to get it all out of her head before she forgets it.  lol

Not sure what got into me today but .....

I actually had a bit of a productive day.  Granted all I did was put a basket of laundry away, lol.  But as I was doing so I clean up and gutted each of my dresser drawers.  Two dresser equaling 8 drawers in total. Then I set my sights on my closet. 

It takes a beating Christmas time.   It is where I hide all the Christmas gifts.  Where I put away pictures plus odds and end that gets displaced because of my Christmas decorations.  I didn't get rid of as much cloths as I thought or hoped.  But I have decided that as I take out something to wear and it doesn't work it goes in the donate bag and out it goes. 

The bottom of the closet didn't get touched much.  That has four big plastic totes full of stuff that need to be gone through.  Which is on my list to do this winter.  One tote is my sons school things, another is my daughter school things.  The third one has various stuff belong to me and the last one is a bit of everything.  Which has some wooden bird house and such that are suppose to be projects for me and my daughter to paint. 

Got lots to keep me busy now that the winter is here and I hoping this is the start of my being productive.  Fingers crossed ......

I hate online shopping when .......

what you buy arrives and it isn't the right one. 

I needed a new charger for my Samsung Galaxy A tablet.  I found what I thought was the right charger online but when it arrived it wasn't.  Of course :( 

Now the return was simple, took it to the store a few days later and bought the right one.  The store staff was knowledgeable and set me right with little to no fuss.  The one bought online was 50 percent off.  I had to pay full price for the right one in store. The sale was over, grrr. I bought the brand name which was a bit pricey but it was what I wanted.

I could not use my refund towards the purchase of the new one because it was bought online. Oh my.  But my refund was returned to me in record time, with in 24 hours.  It went to my paypal.

So all in all things worked out rather easily.  Only thing I had an issue with is when I tried to call the store locally,  the wait was ridiculous and when someone answered she put me on hold and never came back.  Well to be fair I got sick of waiting and hung up.  Miss the day when you could actually get a hold of someone at the physical store.  Not someone taking calls god knows where.  Ahh to the simpler days lol.

New Year, New hair style.....

No not really but I did go and get a trim.  My biggest reason to get my hair done was my undercut had grown out. 

I have pretty thick hair and it has a natural wave to it so it is a must.  Got my first under cut last summer because I was dying with the heat.  It was such a relief, I couldn't believe I hadn't done it sooner. 

Had been toying with the idea for what seem like forever but never took the plunge.  I don't wear my hair up so you don't see it but I can surely feel the difference when it starts to grown out. 

I get it done with the scissors, I don't like the buzz cut feel that clippers would give you. 

Winter might be here now but I love my undercut and can't see myself going back to having all that hair.   Plus I love how it feels lol.

Productivity fail.....

I had high hopes for today going to bed last night but things didn't go as planned.  I wanted to finish up the cleaning, vacuuming and tiding that need to be done after taking down all the Christmas decorations, see previous post.  I wanted to get things back to normal in the house and any other little thing that got out of place from Christmas holidays.  But instead I decided to tackle the ever growing list of things I ran out of or need that I couldn't get because of the holidays.  Butter, eggs, bread and the such.  My decision was solely based on the fact that it was a nice day, well nicer then the last couple of days.  It was sunny but cold, it is winter after all here.  Granted we are up to our butts in snow, see another previous post on that.  I said the hell with it and went out despite the fact I didn't want to.  Only because if I waited we might end up with another storm or worse rain and wouldn't be able to do it then.  Plus I had transportation to and fro without relying on public means.  So I guess in some sense I was productive just not in the way I had planned. oh well what can you do?

Resolutions .......

Not sure if I am going to make any to be honest.  Never seem to make it past the first week or two and they are forgotten.  Have thought of a couple I would love to do like :

The mason jar - you spend the year filling it with hand written memory notes, then at the end of the year you take them out and read them.   

https://www.scarymommy.com/memory-jars-new-years-tradition/?fbclid=IwAR0gK126Y10M0gqoPJvWhQHEVGAHKjg-vzlxa7MyeSddPhr8vpG4Vf78DmI


Take a photo a day -  it is just what you think, take a pic a day and post it.  Only thing with that one is you really need to be a person that goes somewhere everyday.  Maybe it can be modified to post a pic a day and when I do go out stock up on some pics to get me through the days I don't go out.  Or some variation.

Exercise -  would love to get back to the gym, but without a car to get there and it being winter, pretty hard to do.  I know, excuses.   But it just isn't fun waiting in the freezing cold for the bus.  Maybe I need a gym buddy with a car. lol  I do have a treadmill at the house so I am defiantly getting back at that.  It is something at least.

Eating better -  that is a given, which I tend to do for the most part everyday.  I find if I get to restrictive I am miserable and I fail.  So I watch my portions on those things that aren't as good for me. 

Read now -  I have a challenge on Goodreads to read 52 books this year.  I made my goal last year but there was more comics in the list then books.  So not sure if that was a fail or not.  But reading is reading.  Finding quiet time is hard most times.

Have fun -  whether that be putting a puzzle together or a Lego.  Going for a walk, once the winter is over, of course.  Watching tv, listening to music, playing a game.  What ever it may be just do it.

Well as this list gets longer, I guess I will be making some resolutions after all.  Or maybe I should just take the pressure off and do the best I can each day.  Take each day as they come and make them the best day for me.  Lets see what happens.

A new year - 2019 ....

It is day one of a new year.  Honestly it feels just like any other day.  Sitting here waiting for the ham to cook.  Probably wont venture out of my pj's today except get into another pair later after my shower.  lol 

It is pretty nice day out there today other then being cold that is.  The whole calm before the storm, I guess.  Suppose to be getting a major snow storm tonight into tomorrow morning.  Then it will be nice for a few hours in the afternoon but the winds are to get gusty then more snow.  Can you say blizzard conditions. sigh  I hate winter.  Thankfully Thursday and Friday is suppose to be nice, might get out then for a few errands.  Feels like I haven't been out in ages.  But it is winter, the cold and the snow are most defiantly not a friend of mine.

Haven't decided if I am going to make any resolutions this year or not.  I never seem to follow through with them for very long.  But will see.  I do have a book challenge on the go, 52 books this year.  I completed my challenge last year but alot of those where comics, but does that really count as a book.  Will post more on that on my book blog, at some point.

Guess that is it for now.  Wonder what this new year will bring? 

1 week down......

The first week of the new year is almost in the books and I can honestly say I don't see much difference from last year.   I have the Christmas tree and all the decorations down.  The house looks bare now.   But no major life changing or ah ha moments.  Guess that corner is a bit wider then I thought. 

The weather sucks then again it is winter.  Makes it hard to get motivated or go outside.  The kids will be back to school tomorrow so back to the normal routine and I am looking forward to it.

No resolutions made as of yet just trying to make small changes to make myself happier and do more things for myself.  Really need to learn to say no.  Just wish I would see more progress with getting back to being more myself that somehow got lost along the way.  I am sure some days will be better then others but as long as I keep moving forward and don't give up I might just get some where. lol

Really need to sit down and write a list of what I want from this New Year and maybe then check things off as I go each day.  Seems like my day is gone and I look back and I have nothing to show for it and I hate that.  Oh well all I can is take each day as they come and try to make them better then he day before.    Wish me luck.

Why.......

do I need to justify or explain what I am doing to you or to anyone.  What does it matter what I am doing or not doing as long as it doesn't effect you in anyway.  I feel like more and more I have to explain what I am doing to others and it is pissing me off.  You would swear that these things that I once did and are trying to do again is thing that are out of character for my personality.

I feel like saying what I am really thinking, which is that I am trying to get back what I have lost of myself along the way by being a wife and mother all these years.  I have lost what makes me happy, what makes me me.  I somehow along the way stopped doing things like reading, writing and all the other things that I have forgotten.  Things that have been shoved aside and replaced with cooking and cleaning, taking care of the kids etc.

Don't get me wrong wouldn't changed a thing, well maybe I would of liked to of made sure that I made time for myself each day even if it was only something small.   But like most mothers we sacrifice our own happiness or replace it with other things and other people, like our kids.  Then when they become old enough to do things for themselves or entertain themselves we don't know what to do with our new found time.

Why should I feel like I have to justify trying to find something that makes just me happy?

I am not left handed..........

I am right handed and you don't realize just how much you do with one hand over the other.  I hurt my should awhile back, doctor said that I was to take it easy and not to use that arm.  Well easier said then done, hence the problem.

I was in the shower, trying to wash my hair.  Lots of fun, NOT.  In the end it felt like I wash only half my hair.  Not even sure I got all the soap out.  Talk about awkward.

Sitting here typing, no problem can use both hands/ arms, but if I was to go for my mouse with my right hand, I look like the Thing from the Munster, using my fingers to walk my hand over to the mouse.

In bed it is like waking up with your arm asleep not being about to move it with out using the other hand to do so.  It would be funny if it didn't hurt so much.

It has been months of this and I thought I was getting better, hadn't had a issue in a couple weeks.  Boy was I wrong.  All it took was to clean out two cupboards, wash the two shelves and paint it and boom back to all the paint and lack of motion with it. grrrrr

Doing things with my left hand takes way longer and more concentration and patience that I do not have.  Guess I am just too independent for my own good.  Would rather do it myself then to ask someone to do it for me.

Not sure how I am going to managed the rest of my fall cleaning and decluttering at this rate.  Oh and Christmas around the corner after that, don't even what to think about how I am going to get that done.

Ideas come at all the wrong times....

Don't you just hate that.  Let me explain.

Ideas come to me when I am suppose to be sleeping, in the shower, when I am out and about running errands, and just anytime I don't have a moment to write it down or have paper on me to.  Now that isn't the totally truth my cell phone has a voice recorder app, I could just leave a recording like I do for my gym workouts, (time, distance, calories).   But I am never alone and I sure as hell not going to try and explain what I am doing to someone just so they can look at me like I am crazy.  They just don't get it.

 It is frustrating to me to not be able to get these awesome thoughts out and down on paper or online, like I am doing now.  I am currently distracting myself from some work that is being down that is driving me crazy.  Getting off topic here, I do that alot too. lol  That and like now or should I say before, I got interrupted and had to walk away from my post.  Now I am not sure where this train of thought was taking me.

Bottom line I love to write about things, some random thoughts provoked from a line in a song or from seeing or thinking of something random.  Yes after all these years of being a mother and still one I do have a brain left.  See another great post idea that I won't get too, barely finding time to finish this one. sigh

What I want for this year and more .....